Portrait of a Friend

via flickr.com

I can't give solutions to all of life's problems, doubts,
or fears. But I can listen to you, and together we will
search for answers.

I can't change your past with all it's heartache and pain,
nor the future with its untold stories.
But I can be there now when you need me to care.

I can't keep your feet from stumbling.
I can only offer my hand that you may grasp it and not fall.

Your joys, triumphs, successes, and happiness are not mine;
Yet I can share in your laughter.

Your decisions in life are not mine to make, nor to judge;
I can only support you, encourage you,
and help you when you ask.

I can't prevent you from falling away from friendship,
from your values, from me.
I can only pray for you, talk to you and wait for you.

I can't give you boundaries which I have determined for you,
But I can give you the room to change, room to grow,
room to be yourself.

I can't keep your heart from breaking and hurting,
But I can cry with you and help you pick up the pieces
and put them back in place.

I can't tell you who you are.
I can only love you and be your friend.
~Unknown

Searching for a New Best Friend Forever

I am a Married White Female searching for a Best Friend Forever.

I have two lifelong BFFs, Sara and Callie, who I met when I was 10 and 14, at camp and high school respectively. I have seven super-close friends from college.  I have dear pals from high school whose weddings I’d never miss and babies (well, so far there’s only one baby) I’m dying to meet.  There is no shortage of shoulders to cry on. Here’s the catch: I live in Chicago.  Sara and Callie live in New York City. My Northwestern roommates live in Boston, San Francisco, New York, and St. Louis. The high schoolers are in D.C. and (you guessed it), Manhattan. My closest friends are everywhere but here.

I moved to Chicago with my now-husband after we both decided a long-distance relationship (he was at law school in Philly, I was working in New York) just wouldn’t do. We’ve been here for nearly three years and in that time have made a few friends. Primarily couples, with whom we catch up over dinner  every few months. But on a Sunday morning when I want to grab an omelette over girl talk, I’m at a loss. My Chicago friends are the let’s-get-dinner-on-the-books-a-month-in-advance type.  I’m looking for someone to invite over to watch The Biggest Loser or to text “pedicure in half an hour?” on a Saturday morning. To me, that’s what BFFs are. Not just people who know your innermost secrets, but the ones up for grabbing a bite on a whim because they love being with you just that much, and getting together feels easy and natural rather than a chore you need to pencil in.

So I’m on the hunt for Miss Right. A person who can fill the one void in the otherwise great life I’ve set up in the Windy City. I always thought friendships blossom naturally, like at summer camp and in school. In the grown-up world, apparently this isn’t the case. So I’m taking matters in my own hands.

This blog chronicles my quest.

via mwfseekingbff.com

I like this girl's approach - taking matters in her own hands in her search for a new best friend. Why isn't everyone doing this?

This seems like a "dating" approach, but I actually think this is fitting and makes perfect sense. If we're all honest, we know we can't be friends with everyone. We need to find compatibility and synergy with potential friends that are right and good for us, not just anyone and everyone.

Women in Isolation

Something seems to be amiss in our culture when it comes to female friendships.  Whether it happens during our childhood or once we graduate from High School, it seems to be so commonplace that people are either not noticing or thinking this is normal. But is it normal?  If it is "normal", does it have to be that way?


I'm noticing this scenario more and more -  girls become women, then we move, go to college, get married, have kids, etc., and as years quickly pass, somewhere along the way friendships seem to fade and seemly overnight we wake up to the realization that our friendships with other women have become virtually non-existant.

At first, this may not seem like a problem.  But sooner or later we realize it's not healthy or very beneficial to be virtually friendless outside of our spouse or family members.

Finding new friends can get more and more difficult as we get older, especially if you're introverted.  So, what can we do?

I doubt there's an easy answer, but I decided I wanted to try to do something about it.  If nothing else, I'm questioning what is accepted as normal in our relationships.

If you're reading this, I hope you will join me in helping to bring as many of us together as possible so we can put an end to women in isolation.