Why Women Need Friends

Why Women Need Friends and How to Keep Them: "...men and women practice friendship in different ways. While women connect through sharing about their lives, men bond through “doing.” In his article for The Women on the Web, he borrows an analogy from sociologists, explaining, “Women’s friendships are ‘face to face’ while men’s friendships are ‘side by side." 'via Blog this'

I've noticed a tendency towards women trying to develop friendships like men do through "doing". There are a few women's social groups even where I live that focus on going out and doing various activities. Which I guess is where you have to start, but nothing ever goes beyond superficial activities.

For deeper, more meaningful connections, I believe there has to be more heart-to-heart sharing of those things that inspire or even trouble us. The deepest connections can come from having a trusting friendship where we can share our most difficult struggles and fears.  These are the types of friendships we are more likely to be able to keep.

Women definitely need friends and for the sake of our mental and even physical health and well-being, we should prioritize making and keeping friendships.

Writing for the site The Women on the Web, Zaslow says, “A host of studies show that having a close group of friends helps women sleep better, improve their immune systems, stave off dementia and actually live longer.”

Hand In Hand

Friendship, a photo by *¦·sindorella·¦* on Flickr.

A friend is one to whom you can pour out the contents of your heart, chaff and grain alike. Knowing that the gentlest of hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping and with a breath of kindness, blow the rest away.
~ Unknown

How inspiring is the innocence of little girls, walking hand in hand. I wish these traits of innocence and trust stayed just as strong into adulthood.

But alas, we suffer life's blows and become jaded as we get older.  At least that's what happened to me.  I wish that I never felt like I had to be on guard and could rest assured that I would be accepted just as I am.

Childhood friends are so precious.  I had a friend named Synthia who was the greatest treasure from my otherwise unpleasant childhood.  I look back and wish that I could relive the time I had with her and could be as close to her now as I was then.

I will always and forever treasure Synthia and the close friendship we had.

What is a Friend?

Friends, a photo by h.koppdelaney on Flickr.

"A friend is one who walks in when others walk out." ~ Walter Winchill

"A friend is one to whom one may pour out all the contents of one’s heart, chaff and grain together, knowing that the gentlest of hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping, and with the breath of kindness blow the rest away". ~ Unknown

"A friend is one with whom you are comfortable, to whom you are loyal, through whom you are blessed, and for whom you are grateful." ~ William Arthur Ward

"A friend is someone who is always there and will always, always care. A friend is a feeling of forever in the heart." ~ Unknown

"A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are." ~ Unknown

"Friends: people who know you well, but like you anyway." ~ Unknown

"What is a friend? I will tell you . . . . it is someone with whom you dare to be yourself." ~ Frank Crane

"My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me." ~ Henry Ford

"Friends are those rare people who ask how we are and then wait to hear the answer."
~ Ed Cunningham

Friendships that Fade

* The Rose *, a photo by pareeerica on Flickr.

"True friendship is like a rose: we don’t realize its beauty until it fades."
~ Evelyn Loeb

I had a friend named Carol I treasured greatly fade out of my life. She moved away, moved on and out of my life, no longer communicating with me.

I'm sad that she faded away, but realize this is common in our fast paced society. I wish this wasn't so.

Friendless in a Text Messaging Culture

This was an epiphany for me. It's discouragingly true and more evidence of the current post-human society (people are more comfortable with technology than humans).

No wonder it's virtually impossible to develop close friendships & interactions with other people when email & text messaging are virtually the only acceptable forms of communication.

How do you establish new friendships when nobody wants to communicate via voice or in person? I would venture to say that these less intimate forms of communication would drastically slow any development of acquaintance to close friendship.

This article describes exactly what I've become - more comfortable with technology than human interaction. But at the same time, I don't want to continue living virtually friendless and very little meaningful human contact.

Given this trend towards preferring technology over humans, is it becoming impossible to find new and meaningful friendships?

in reference to:

"In the last five years, full-fledged adults have seemingly given up the telephone — land line, mobile, voice mail and all. According to Nielsen Media, even on cellphones, voice spending has been trending downward, with text spending expected to surpass it within three years."
- Don’t Call Me, I Won’t Call You - Discovery Zone (view on Google Sidewiki)

Prospects of Making Friends in Less Friendly Areas

I must say that reading the article on The Geography of Friendship was very discouraging. Because I've known for a long time that I indeed live in a less friendly town.

I'm a native southerner and grew up with southern hospitality and friendliness. After joining the military and moving around various areas of the country and even out of the country, I would generally be surprised or even shocked by notable differences in culture.

After 21 years in the military, my husband retired in Louisiana, but then we moved to Idaho. I was "shell shocked" and felt like a fish out of water for a long time for a couple of reasons: 1) Life outside the military community had virtually no camaraderie; and 2) the distance and coldness of people in the new town was quite the opposite from the friendly southern hospitality I had left behind.

Those who didn't recognize this coldness and indifference in Boise, Idaho were those who have lived here all their lives or at least for a very long time or had gotten very lucky. Repeatedly, I ran into other newcomers to the state and asked them what they thought of the area and people in this town. And repeatedly I got the same responses: It was almost impossible to find new friends, people here were unfriendly, cold or distant.

Ironically, the newcomers to the area soon integrated into the culture and became just like everyone around them, hardening themselves to the need for new or close friendships. I eventually stopped asking newcomers what they thought of the area and became more and more detached myself.

But I was always troubled by my cultural adaption. I may have been taken out of the south, but the southern hospitality tendencies were always still there. It has never settled right with me to be forced to blend into and become more like the cold, indifferent and distant people in my town.

Not that everyone is like that here, but to newcomers who move here without established friendships already in the area are very likely to bump into the primary culture and notice the striking difference, especially if they relocated here from a friendlier geographical area.

The result for other relocated people such as myself is loneliness, social isolation and friendlessness.

I am certain there are other people just like me in this town, experiencing the same things.  But will we find each other when we've had to adapt by becoming cold, distant and invisible?

Hope is indeed bleak.

in reference to:
"At dinner on Saturday night, I got to talking to one guest about the difficulty of friending. "I think a lot of it is regional," she told me. "I've lived in some cities where people were friendly and happy to make new friends, and others where people wanted nothing to do with anyone they didn't already know."

- Rachel Bertsche: The Geography of Friendship (view on Google Sidewiki)

Friendships Don't Just Happen

In my experience, friendships (at least where I live now) just aren't happening at all. And now I've been socially isolated for over 7 years.

Somewhere along the way I gave up, then got too tired and even too cynical at times to put forth the effort into trying to find new friendships.

It's a never ending cycle of trying, getting disappointed, then giving up. Over and over. I'm more likely now to not even start trying. I'm too tired and my chances seem bleak.

Will the cycle ever end?
in reference to:

"It's why nearly half of us report being only one confidant away from feeling socially isolated. Many of us do not even have that one. It's a significant factor in increasing depression in women. It's why we seem more networked than ever, and yet, ironically, lonelier. It's why we know more people, and yet seem to be known by none. We hope and we wait. To walk around with the belief that real friendships happen automatically is detrimental."
- Shasta Nelson, M.Div.: Friendships Don't Just Happen (view on Google Sidewiki)