I must say that reading the article on The Geography of Friendship was very discouraging. Because I've known for a long time that I indeed live in a less friendly town.
I'm a native southerner and grew up with southern hospitality and friendliness. After joining the military and moving around various areas of the country and even out of the country, I would generally be surprised or even shocked by notable differences in culture.
After 21 years in the military, my husband retired in Louisiana, but then we moved to Idaho. I was "shell shocked" and felt like a fish out of water for a long time for a couple of reasons: 1) Life outside the military community had virtually no camaraderie; and 2) the distance and coldness of people in the new town was quite the opposite from the friendly southern hospitality I had left behind.
Those who didn't recognize this coldness and indifference in Boise, Idaho were those who have lived here all their lives or at least for a very long time or had gotten very lucky. Repeatedly, I ran into other newcomers to the state and asked them what they thought of the area and people in this town. And repeatedly I got the same responses: It was almost impossible to find new friends, people here were unfriendly, cold or distant.
Ironically, the newcomers to the area soon integrated into the culture and became just like everyone around them, hardening themselves to the need for new or close friendships. I eventually stopped asking newcomers what they thought of the area and became more and more detached myself.
But I was always troubled by my cultural adaption. I may have been taken out of the south, but the southern hospitality tendencies were always still there. It has never settled right with me to be forced to blend into and become more like the cold, indifferent and distant people in my town.
Not that everyone is like that here, but to newcomers who move here without established friendships already in the area are very likely to bump into the primary culture and notice the striking difference, especially if they relocated here from a friendlier geographical area.
The result for other relocated people such as myself is loneliness, social isolation and friendlessness.
I am certain there are other people just like me in this town, experiencing the same things. But will we find each other when we've had to adapt by becoming cold, distant and invisible?
Hope is indeed bleak.
in reference to:
"At dinner on Saturday night, I got to talking to one guest about the difficulty of friending. "I think a lot of it is regional," she told me. "I've lived in some cities where people were friendly and happy to make new friends, and others where people wanted nothing to do with anyone they didn't already know."
I'm a native southerner and grew up with southern hospitality and friendliness. After joining the military and moving around various areas of the country and even out of the country, I would generally be surprised or even shocked by notable differences in culture.
After 21 years in the military, my husband retired in Louisiana, but then we moved to Idaho. I was "shell shocked" and felt like a fish out of water for a long time for a couple of reasons: 1) Life outside the military community had virtually no camaraderie; and 2) the distance and coldness of people in the new town was quite the opposite from the friendly southern hospitality I had left behind.
Those who didn't recognize this coldness and indifference in Boise, Idaho were those who have lived here all their lives or at least for a very long time or had gotten very lucky. Repeatedly, I ran into other newcomers to the state and asked them what they thought of the area and people in this town. And repeatedly I got the same responses: It was almost impossible to find new friends, people here were unfriendly, cold or distant.
Ironically, the newcomers to the area soon integrated into the culture and became just like everyone around them, hardening themselves to the need for new or close friendships. I eventually stopped asking newcomers what they thought of the area and became more and more detached myself.
But I was always troubled by my cultural adaption. I may have been taken out of the south, but the southern hospitality tendencies were always still there. It has never settled right with me to be forced to blend into and become more like the cold, indifferent and distant people in my town.
Not that everyone is like that here, but to newcomers who move here without established friendships already in the area are very likely to bump into the primary culture and notice the striking difference, especially if they relocated here from a friendlier geographical area.
The result for other relocated people such as myself is loneliness, social isolation and friendlessness.
I am certain there are other people just like me in this town, experiencing the same things. But will we find each other when we've had to adapt by becoming cold, distant and invisible?
Hope is indeed bleak.
in reference to:
"At dinner on Saturday night, I got to talking to one guest about the difficulty of friending. "I think a lot of it is regional," she told me. "I've lived in some cities where people were friendly and happy to make new friends, and others where people wanted nothing to do with anyone they didn't already know."
- Rachel Bertsche: The Geography of Friendship (view on Google Sidewiki)
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